My mind seems to be really active at night and granted I should be asleep, but I can never seem to fall asleep instantly when there are some any thoughts going on in my head. From reading many articles it's good to jot down your thoughts and to come back to them later. So that's what I'm going to do...time to jot down the many thoughts going on my head right now. All while listening to my itunes library as background noise/winding down to get ready to sleep.

Thought #1
I've really been evaluating my friendships that I've developed and trying to figure out which, to continue; to pursue; as well as to try and fix or build a better friendship.

The past few months have definitely shown that I lack communication, but I feel that it's more of a fear that I'll say something wrong or that I'm just really over thinking situations or I'm creating unnecessary conflict/issues. I know that I can easily where my heart on my sleeve but I can also be very guarded. Which sounds really ironic but it's really true thought. I'm very talkative but also very private with thoughts. It takes a lot of trust from me to trust people I can effectively communicate with. There have been people that have broken my trust which has saddened me but I've learned from that mistake and have continued to better myself as a person.

A good friend of mine has said, "they'll forgive, but never forget," this statement has definitely stuck with me...in a negative way. I always seem to think of the negative in the situation. Again, I'm trying to grow as a person, but I hate to disappoint others.

Also I really want to call people and catch up with them....I need to do this or if you're reading this and we're friends (obviously we are) call me and let's catch up! hahahaha

Thought #2
I really am stressing about this whole Grad School thing. I want to make sure I'm preparing myself in the best way possible. Researching schools, which is already a big feat in itself, trying to figure out which Colleges would be best for me and what they can offer me in my growth of higher education.

The GREs are going to freak me out. I'm not the best of test takers and so I've already invested quite an amount of money to make sure I'm studying and focusing to do my best. My main task is keeping focused and actually studying; then retaining the information learned as well as implementing what I've learned into real life situations.

Statement of purpose....blah, I need to really start on writing this....I know I've said that earlier but it's definitely something I NEED to start doing too. Which also brings up getting letters of recommendations from professors/faculty/people I've had good relationships with me who want to see me continue my education and who will recommend me into graduate schools. I think I've got a good handful of people I'd be honored if they'd write a letter of recommendation for me. Hopefully they'll feel honored that I asked them.

Thought #3
I really miss a lot of hobbies right now. I've been really busy focusing on finding a job(s) and relaxing.

But I miss theatre. I miss acting, singing, directing, do something in theatre right now. However I did check out three plays from the library to read...which I haven't done yet. I also want to sign up for a dance class or two or three. But that involves time and money, which right now I don't have the money but time could easily do. However with the job searches, that may effect when I could take the class(es).

I miss running and I really want to work out, I want to get some muscle definition as well as mass on my freaking scrawny body. I'm not saying I'm not happy with my body, but I definitely would like a body that's in shape. I miss competing and doing xc races. I should really e-mail may coach randomly and see if I can attended a practice...even though it's been a few years and I could easily still look like someone who's in high school...hahaah

I really want to do a photoshoot. One for myself to get some new headshots but also take some photos for fun! I just really need to go out and take some photos. It's a possible grad degree I'm looking into so I should really start working on building that portfolio up.

I know I'll eventually get to it each of these missed hobbies, but right now I'm really trying to get a stable job(s) in tact.

Thought #4
Job search, trying to think when enough is a enough searching and be happy with the jobs I currently have.

I recently accepted an offer to start working at the Apple Store, which I'm really excited for the opportunity and look forward to the Orientation which is three days for eight hours. However since I accept the job offer, I'm going to be missing my family reunion. Which I'm sad because I haven't seen many of them in years. A sacrifice that I had to take, but I'm sure my extended family will understand.

But yeah, my job search is still going. I need to make sure I have a job(s) that will help pay off debt (credit card & soon Student Loans). Plus I want to save up for Grad School/moving and for a car. I really need to get my own car to own. It's the next "grown up" purchase I need to do along with getting an apartment.

Thought #5
I want to TRAVEL! Like really bad! I want to go overseas experience different cultures visit different continents and countries. ::sigh::

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Those are pretty much what's going on in my mind currently...lots of rambling but this had definitely helped. Therapeutic and just good to keep doing something I said I wanted to do on my "Summer To-Do List."

I'll post a blog entry of some pictures soon. I really like how most of the months I've averaged seven entries. This is entry no. six, so I definitely need to get another one in before the end of the month. Which is totally do-able!

=]