Wrote this while on my flight...
Nearly a year ago, I made a decision that I thought was best for myself. Some of my closest friends really encouraged it to happen, others really didn’t know the situation but supported me anyways and those that were impacted just want what’s best. However a part of me feels like I made a mistake but another part of me is really proud of what has transpired. Overall, I owe it to myself to forgive myself and what has happened. I know that I can own up to my wrong doings as well as my own transgressions.
If you really care about someone but know that there isn’t anything you can do at that moment, is to let them go and hope one day they’ll come back or each other’s paths will cross again. There are so many things I want to say but just can’t seem to find the words to say it. Those friends who encouraged this are not surprised that I would fall back into a habit, but all they want for me is to be happy. A part of me isn’t happy about how things left, but another part of me is really glad it happened. Growing up is hard but no one ever said it was going to be easy.
This literally sounds like I’m just running around the issue and not facing it head on. But, what’s the point? I’ve said my peace and have tried to move on. Communication is a two way street, though I like taking the beaten path or at least a one way street. There is less to worry about but there is a lot of assumptions, misinformation and misconceptions.
I guess what I’m trying to say is “I’m sorry,” I’m sorry to myself and I’m sorry to the situation. Am I mad that it happened, no, it has been a great time soul searching and really know what I want. So I guess what I want is forgiveness. I forgive myself but will I be forgiven for what has happened? Only time will tell and I just hope that I can just add this moment to another chapter of my life.
Will I expect anything to come from this? No, but hopefully with me vaguely clearing the air, the message comes across to those loud and clear. If not, at least I can say that I’m happy with where I am and only hope for the best in others. Having hate is unnecessary energy and a waste of time. Value those who care about you and value them right back with the same if not more. Here’s hoping I’m valued because i know I value others and I do not like having hate towards others.
On that note, I’m ready for my vacation and time away from the city!